There was a battle raging in my body, and I knew exactly what it was. I was standing in the living room of a duplex, one that belonged to a long ago ex-girlfriend and her sister, and I really shouldn’t have been there. But I hadn’t seen Ashley in some time, and her older sister, Jolene, was always something of a hottie, and since I needed some information from them anyway, I figured I’d just stop by. I’d called ahead first, and in hindsight, that might have been a serious mistake.

But back to the matter at hand. Jolene was smiling at me from the kitchen doorway, and Ashley was doing the same from the couch. I hadn’t been in the door two minutes and already I could feel the sexual tension like tennis balls bouncing off my skin. They smiled at each other knowingly, and then at me. They made eyes at me (which I’ve always thought was a stupid expression, but it works). I was beginning to feel like a piece of meat. I kinda liked it.

“You could stay the night with us, you know.” Jolene said, and as she did so she unbuttoned her jeans and let the zipper slide down just a little. Not that the jeans were hiding much of her long, slim legs anyway, but now I could see the elastic band of her white cotton panties with little pink flowers on them and I knew I had a dilemma.

The rational part of my mind was saying, “This is wrong! This is wrong!” And it was right. But another organ, lower down in my body, was making a quick call to the brain, making a connection, locating a file titled Taboo, getting the information it wanted and alerting the rest of the body that at any moment it might take over for the rational brain if it felt it was necessary. The rest of my body responded with its usual lack of moral fiber.

Ashley stood up from the couch, her long, yellow summer dress drifting up as she pulled it over her head, and there she stood in a pair of black lycra panties and a black see-thru bra. She had a thicker body than her sister, more athletic, and I remembered suddenly that she had been in gymnastics classes for most of her teenage years, and as far as I knew probably still taught and practiced at a local place.

I couldn’t believe it. It was like a dream. Sisters! And here I stood, not knowing how to proceed. There was a reason for that, I realized. This type of thing wasn’t supposed to happen outside of porn movies. In fact, this type of thing didn’t happen outside of porn movies. And then another part of my brain made a call down to the lower regions to remind the organ in command down there that something was probably wrong. Disappointed but wary it paid attention.

Ashley walked down the hall towards the bedroom and watching her behind move away from me I remembered why I’d started dating her in the first place. And suddenly couldn’t remember why we’d broken up. Jolene smiled at me, tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder and stuck her hands on the side of her pants, letting them fall just a little further.

“Come on.” She said, and smiled. I smiled back and followed her towards the bedroom.

At the end of the dark hall I stood in the bedroom doorway and watched as Ashley slid her bare naked behind under a sheet and a comforter. Oh, man did that look like a comfortable bed. I had a brief moment of imagining how warm it would be to wake up in that bed, the girls on either side of me sleeping quietly. And then it happened.

As Jolene pulled her jeans off and I tried desperately to concentrate on her panties, I noticed it out of the corner of my eye. On the far wall stood a closet, open just a fraction of an inch, but from where I stood I could have sworn I saw something move in there. Perhaps a glint of metal. Rational parts of the brain all started screaming the word gun at the same time, and survival instinct assumed complete control of the body.

“Well, you know, this looks like fun, but I’m going to have to pass.” Who the fuck said that? Was that me?

“You’re kidding, right?” Ashley said from under the covers.

“Afraid not.” Someone had assumed control of my vocal cords and I wasn’t sure who it was. I was almost positive though, that they were gay.

“You have something better to do?” Jolene said, and in her tone of voice I could remember why I never really cared for her. She was arrogant, and it showed in every breath she took. She’d managed to hide it for a few minutes in the living room, but there it was again.

“Yeah, I think I’ll just head back home.”

“Right.” Jolene said, as egotistical as ever. “Like you have girls like us just waiting for you? Get real.”

“Well, if I didn’t,” I said, and I was particularly proud of this part, “would I be able to do this.” And I closed the door.

My flight instinct was strong. But it occurred to me that to get out the front door I’d have to undo the deadbolt, and that could waste valuable seconds. I heard noises from inside the room, the bed squeaked (Ashley getting up, I assumed), a door slammed (the closet), and voices were raised (Jolene, and the guy from the closet). I hate it sometimes when I’m right.

Then the lower organs made a quick suggestion. It had occurred to them that when I’d dated Ashley before there was a nice young lady who lived in the duplex next door, and that on some particularly lucky occasions if you were standing on the side porch, next to the kitchen, you could watch her undress in her bathroom through the window. Not really realizing at first why this was being pointed out my rational brain said “Huh?” Then it realized the point. The kitchen door didn’t have a deadbolt, and in fact the lock on the doorknob opened automatically from inside, regardless of whether or not the door was locked. Brilliant. Good work all around.

I headed for it quickly, down the hall back towards the living room, but a quick right into the open doorway just before it. The kitchen was lit up by two overhead neon glowing lights, and I could smell pizza. I ignored it as I heard the bedroom door come crashing open and I was almost to the door when, to my surprise, it opened itself.

Standing there in the kitchen I thought to myself, “I’m going to die.” But I didn’t. It was Danny Gutierrez. And then it occurred to me. The last time I’d talked to Manny he told me Danny was dating Jolene. His face lit up in recognition, and his trademark smile made me smile back. I stood for just a second before moving towards him and taking him back out the kitchen door.

“Your girlfriend and her sister are trying to kill me.” I said quickly, glancing back at the house.

“What?” He was still smiling. It occurred to me then how much confidence Danny had always had, and I felt a little pang of guilt. If it had been me, coming into the kitchen, seeing an old friend standing there, about to go out the door, I’d have immediately assumed that worst. That my old friend was banging my woman, and seeing me pull up he was trying to make a hasty getaway. But Danny never seemed to think like that, and God how I envied him for that.

“Well, they tried to seduce me first.” I felt like a jerk, but I couldn’t lie to Danny.

He started to respond, but before he could say anything the door burst open and a large man with a gun came out to stand on the side porch.

“Darren, what the fuck are you doing?” Danny asked incredulously. Darren I didn’t know, but obviously Danny did.

“This don’t concern you.” Darren said.

Behind Darren, Ashley and Jolene stood in the kitchen doorway looking out. Ashley had on a silk, pink robe that flowed to her ankles, and Jolene had pulled her pants back on. Danny looked at Jolene.

“What the hell’s going on?”

“Shut up Danny.” She said. “It’s five thousand dollars. Stay out of it.”

I felt the opportunity to take control of at least part of the conversation and I looked up at Ashley.

“Five thousand dollars?” I said it loud, hoping to get the neighbors to turn on a porch light or something. For God’s sake, didn’t anybody live around here? “Is that all I’m worth Ashley? Five thousand dollars?” I looked around at everyone else. “And split three ways, at that.”

Ashley looked terrible, like she was about to cry (Man, how many times had I seen that face?) and she looked to her sister for help.

“It’s fifteen thousand.” Jolene said sharply.

“Oh, well at least you’re getting a full five.” I said sarcastically and Ashley walked back into the house, her face buried in her hands.

“Don’t be an asshole.” Jolene said to me. Un-fucking-believable. Wasn’t she about to be involved in a homicide with me starring as the corpse? And she’s telling ME not to be an asshole?

Danny broke in again. “Darren, what’s this all about?”

“Man said he’d pay fifteen big ones we take this guy out.”

“Were you at least going to let me bust a nut?” I asked because I was genuinely curious, but also, I didn’t want to let Jolene get off that easy. Danny needed to know what was going on.

“Shut up.” Jolene said to no one in particular and she walked back into the house.

“Dude. Get the fuck out of here.” Danny said turning to me. He wasn’t pissed at me, I could tell. But the situation was pissing him off. His girlfriend involved in something that on the surface was both illegal and sexual was pissing him off. And I was pretty sure Darren, standing on his porch with a gun, was pissing Danny off. Danny’s porch? Actually, I guess it was technically Jolene and Ashley’s porch, but Danny must have been living here. Too much weirdness going on for me. I bailed.

Or at least I started to. Darren came off the porch, I could feel it even before I heard it, and when a large hand attached itself to my shoulder I knew it wasn’t Danny’s. I was about to turn around, hoping against hope that somehow I could find a way to work things back to my advantage when I heard a loud grunt, and a sound like a brick falling into mud.

Danny had clocked Mr. Gunman. I gave him a look, kind of a “Ok, you tell me what to do?” kind of look. He glanced around and said “Bail.”

“Dude, I’m sorry.” I had no idea what to say.

“How long have you known me?” Danny asked. Puzzled I tried to figure out where he was going with this.

“Since we were 11?” I said, hoping that was the right answer.

“When was the last time you had to tell me you were sorry?”

“I’ll call you Danny. Thanks.” And then I did bail.

I actually ran through backyards for almost a full three hundred yards before I realized my car was parked on the street across from Danny’s house. Or Jolene’s. Or whoever’s fucking house it was. I was trying to decide if I should go back when a siren answered my question for me.

Behind me I could still see the house, and now it was bathed in red and blue flashing lights. Two cops were standing outside talking to Danny, I noticed the kitchen door had been closed. Jolene and Ashley were nowhere to be seen. Darren was being hauled to the police car by a third cop who obviously had him in handcuffs.

Screw it, I thought, I’ll get my car later.