Fade In:
EXT. Grocery Store –
Day
Rollie and Greg are
working side by side checking out customers.
Rollie is late twenties, six foot, longish brown hair, slim, nice
looking. Greg is the quintessential college
geek, with short dark hair, acne, and thick horn-rimmed glasses, he could be
anywhere from twenty to thirty years old.
The store is quiet, very few customers and they have a minute to talk to
each other.
ROLLIE
You ready for the game tonight?
GREG
You bet.
Been looking forward to it all week.
ROLLIE
You off tomorrow?
GREG
Coming in at noon. Deborah wants the day off. But I’ll be able to stay out late
tonight. You talk to Ginny?
ROLLIE
She won’t talk to me. Says I spend too much time with the boys.
They look at one
another (BEAT)
ROLLIE And GREG (Unison)
Bitch.
They laugh.
Credits Roll.
INT. Kitchen –
Evening
Dave is watching
popcorn cook in the microwave and talking on the phone. Dave is athletic, blonde, friendly and
smiling. He could be twenty five or
thirty, but his smile makes him look younger. His popcorn won’t pop.
DAVE
No, it’s not a problem.
Dave listens to the
phone for a second.
DAVE
Just come over at eight. I’ll tell them ahead of time. (BEAT) Don’t
worry about it. Okay, I’ll see you
then.
Dave opens the
microwave and takes out the un-popped bag of popcorn. He frowns at it then turns it over and notices that it’s open on
one end and all the popcorn is gone. He
turns with a look of anger on his face.
DAVE (Angry)
Merlin!
A cat appears behind
him on the counter. He starts to yell
again then turns and jumps as he sees the cat.
He picks it up and strokes the top of it’s head.
DAVE
Merlin, I told you to leave the popcorn bags
alone.
Dave opens the box
of microwave popcorn next to the microwave and turns it over. Popcorn seeds fall all over the counter and
he sighs.
EXT – Dave’s house –
Night
DAVE (voice over)
The world isn’t black and white, and life’s
problems are rarely simple. People are
complex, the world is complicated, and combined they create the jumbled mess
that we call life. This is real
life. At best it’s dull and at worst
it’s excruciatingly painful. But
sometimes, you can take yourself out of the world, and all of life’s problems
can go away for a little while…
Rollie and Greg are
joined by a third person, Barry. Barry
is thirty, a big guy, wearing shorts and a tank top, he looks like he could
have been an athlete in high school, but he’s losing his shape. They are standing at the front door
chatting. Barry rings the doorbell.
ROLLIE
I am so hyped for this game man, you just
don’t know.
BARRY
What else are we gonna do on a Friday night,
get dates?
GREG
Don’t fuck with him man, Ginny’s not talking
to him.
BARRY
I’m not surprised, I saw her with Ed Cisneros
earlier today. Feeling each other up at
the mall.
GREG
Dammit, Barry!
ROLLIE
No, it’s okay. I knew about her and Eddie the cyst already.
Rollie looks at
Barry, who is smiling.
ROLLIE
Asshole.
The door opens and
Dave ushers the three of them inside.
INT. Dave’s Living
Room – Night
Dave, Barry, Rollie,
and Greg all sit around the room, Dave on a comfortable green chair, Barry,
Rollie, and Greg on the sofa. Dave hands out drinks that he’s already prepared
on the bar nearby.
ROLLIE
Charlie call?
DAVE
Yeah, twenty minutes. He’s stopping to pick up something from his
parents.
Everyone nods and
sits quietly sipping their drinks.
There is a somewhat uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.
DAVE
You know we could go ahead into the dining
room.
Everyone nods,
agrees, and gets up in unison, including Dave.
INT – Dave’s Dining
Room – Night
The group sits
around a table, though we can’t see what’s on it yet. They still have their drinks, and Barry is now eating
pretzels. Dave walks in from the
kitchen and hands Rollie a jar of salsa and a bowl of tortilla chips.
GREG
You guys ready to play?
BARRY
We’re waiting for Charlie, don’t be a dick.
GREG (Defensive)
I’m not being a dick! I’m just asking if you’re ready to play?
BARRY
Oh.
Well, yeah. But you’re still a
dick.
Dave and Rollie
laugh, and after a minute Barry and Greg join in. Dave sits down at the table and we hear a pop-top can open.
DAVE
Oh, I forgot to tell you, we’re gonna have a
new player tonight.
BARRY
Anybody we know?
GREG (worried)
It’s not Ray is it?
DAVE
No, it’s not Ray. It’s Lynn.
ROLLIE
Who?
DAVE
Lynn. I told you about her. The girl I met the other day at Vromans?
BARRY
You know, girls aren’t really good at these
kinds of games.
DAVE
She’ll be fine. She just needs us to show her how to play.
The group groans in
Unison.
GREG
Dammit Dave, how could you do this tonight?
DAVE
IT WILL BE FINE! Besides you’ll like her,
she’s cute.
GREG
What good will that do us, she’s your friend.
DAVE
Yeah, but I can’t date her.
BARRY and ROLLIE (Unison)
Why not?
DAVE
She’s not my type. Too…I don’t know. Too, you know.
BARRY
Too…ugly?
DAVE
I just said she was cute.
ROLLIE
Too…much smarter than you?
DAVE
Yeah, that’s it.
GREG
Careful Dave, you have a 180 IQ, any girl you
find that’s smarter than you is a one in a million.
Everyone looks up as
the doorbell rings. Dave gets up to
answer the door and Rollie, Barry, and Greg stare around the table at each
other. They all seem uncomfortable,
assuming it’s the girl. A second later
Dave walks in with Charlie and everybody breathes a sigh of relief. Dave stops
on his way to his chair and looks at them bewildered, they all laugh. Charlie sits down without paying any
attention to the uncomfortable looks or nervous sighs of relief. Charlie is younger than most of the guys,
being in his early twenties, he is slender, but not athletic. His hair is too long in the front and he
brushes it out of his eyes as he sits down.
DAVE (Sitting down)
What was that all about?
ROLLIE
What do you think?
DAVE
Would you stop sweating it? She’s gonna be nice.
CHARLIE
Who’s gonna be nice?
DAVE
Lynn.
She’s coming over to play.
CHARLIE
With us?
DAVE
Yes!
CHARLIE
Cool.
DAVE
See, Charlie doesn’t care.
CHARLIE
Shit no, I can’t remember the last time a
girl played with me. Is she gonna do us
all at once?
Barry and Rollie
laugh, Greg snickers, Dave shakes his head and for the second time the doorbell
rings. This can only be the girl.
Silence descends on the table. Dave
looks around bemusedly, shakes his head, and gets up to answer the door. When he returns he brings Lynn. She is blonde, very pretty, and dressed in
jeans and a t-shirt. She smiles at
everyone as she comes into the room, and sits at the opposite end of the table
from Dave.
DAVE
Everybody, this is Lynn. Lynn, these are the losers.
LYNN
Oh, Dave, be nice.
DAVE
Just wait.
BARRY
Hi, I’m Barry.
LYNN
Hi Barry.
GREG
I’m Greg.
Greg reaches over and
shakes Lynn’s hand, then goes back to whatever he’s doing at the table (we
still haven’t seen it).
CHARLIE
I’m Chuckie.
I’ll be your psycho killer this evening.
Charlie reaches past
Greg and shakes her hand. She frowns at
his comment. A second goes by and she
looks over at Rollie. He’s staring at
her and he doesn’t realize it.
LYNN (to Rollie)
Hi, I’m Lynn.
ROLLIE
Hi, I’m…uh…Rollie.
DAVE
Forget your name?
ROLLIE’S POV – INT.
DINING ROOM
Everyone is staring
at Rollie, smiles on all their faces.
ROLLIE
Sorry.
I just got…distracted for a second there, um…thinking about the game.
DAVE and BARRY (Unison)
Riiight.
DAVE
So, are we ready to get started?
General Consensus,
yes everyone is ready to get started. We
pan up from Dave to show the table from overhead. Stacked on the table are a number of books with pictures of
dragons, demons, wizards, and knights.
In front of each person there is a sheet of paper, a character that
they’ll be playing in tonight’s game.
There are dice scattered around the table, pencils, extra paper, and a
few lead miniatures painted to represent each of the characters. Dave tilts his head back to finish his
canned drink, which we see for the first time is a soda.
DAVE
Okay, everyone’s got a character.
ROLLIE (looking at Lynn)
Except Lynn.
DAVE
No, it’s Okay, I helped her make one over the
phone earlier today. You have it with
you?
LYNN (reaching into her purse)
Yeah, right here.
She pulls out a
napkin and a receipt with lots of writing on the back of them and spreads them
on the table in front of her. Barry and
Greg look at each other across the table and share a look that says “ugh,
girls.” Barry shakes his head.
CHARLIE (reading)
Did you know that you can’t cast finger
blaze underwater? What if I need to
light a smoke or something? That seems
arbitrary.
DAVE
Sorry chief, that’s the rules. I don’t think you even have that spell in
your spell book.
CHARLIE
You know, principal of the thing.
DAVE
Okay, so I think it would be a good idea to
introduce yourselves so that Lynn knows what she’s getting into.
GREG
We already did that.
BARRY
Yeah, Dave, I’m pretty sure you were sitting
right there.
DAVE
No, morons, your characters. Describe your characters, it will help Lynn
get into the game.
A collective groan
again emanates from the table. Lynn
looks around confused.
DAVE
They’re embarrassed.
BARRY
We’re not, really, it’s just a weird thing,
you know, describing your character.
LYNN
Well, you had to describe them to each other
right?
ROLLIE
Actually, no, we were all here when we rolled
these characters up, so we all pretty much know each other.
LYNN
Oh.
DAVE
C’mon guys.
Just get it over with and we can start.
Dave sets up a piece
of cardboard, folded in three sections, in front of him and starts rolling dice
behind it. He’s trying to look like
he’s not paying attention, but he’s actually looking out over the cardboard waiting
for them to describe their characters.
CHARLIE
Well, my character’s name is Elon.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– ElON
Elon looks like a
conan rip off, loin cloth, long brown hair, muscle bound, with a huge battle
axe held in his hands.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – CHARLIE
CHARLIE
The wizard.
LYNN
Oh.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– ELON
The Barbarian has
been replaced by an old man wearing long flowing red robes. He has a long white beard and a foppish hat
on his head. In one hand he holds an
old gnarled staff, and in the other an enormous thick book.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – CHARLIE
CHARLIE
Thirty years old, short black hair, fights
with a long dagger and has an enormous book of spells.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– CORYM
The old wizard walks
off to the right and is replaced by a young wizard like Charlie described. Before the old wizard can get off screen the
younger one clears his throat and the old wizard turns, walks back to the
younger one, hands him the book, and walks off. The younger wizard smiles and turns to face the camera.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – CHARLIE
LYNN (Smiling)
Oh. OK.
CHARLIE
And she’s gorgeous.
LYNN (Puzzled)
I see.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– ELON
The young wizard has
vanished and been replaced by a beautiful young blonde woman in tight clothes
with a black cape, holding the book.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – BARRY
BARRY
My character’s name is Grom. He’s a warrior.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– GROM
The Conan rip off is
back, this time he stands confident, smiling into the camera, he’s leaning on
his battle axe.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – BARRY
BARRY
He has blonde hair, and a thick blonde beard,
and he wears chainmail armor.
LYNN
Ah.
CUT TO EXT. – FOREST
– GORM
The Conan rip off is
trudging off screen, and is replaced by a blonde muscular man in chainmail,
with a beard. He walks past the Conan
rip off and snatches the battle axe from his hand as they pass. He stops and looks at the camera, hefting
the axe in his hand and smiling.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – BARRY
BARRY
And he carries a longsword.
LYNN (nods)
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– GORM
The blonde warrior
has a look of surprise on his face. From
off screen a longsword is tossed to him, and he drops the battle axe to catch
it. After doing so he looks around
suspiciously, as though afraid someone else will throw something at him, then
smiles at the camera.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – LYNN
LYNN (Smiling)
Great.
GREG
My character’s name is Vinhol de’Marigny of
the Walziv forest.
LYNN (frowning)
Uh-huh.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
There is no
character here, as Lynn has no idea what to make of the name Greg has given his
character.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – GREG
GREG (conspirationally to Lynn)
He’s an elf.
LYNN
Oh.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
There is now an elf
here, short, very thin, with long flowing blonde hair and tall, obvious, pointy
ears. He has a flute and he is just
about to play when we…
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – GREG
GREG
He’s a woodsman, and as elves are taller than
humans, he stands about six foot three.
He has long red hair and a short red goatee.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– VINHOL
The short elf has been
replaced by a taller one with red hair and goatee. He’s carrying a silver axe, like a lumberjack would use to cut
down trees. He plants his feet in a
fighting stance and smiles at the camera.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – GREG
GREG
He carries a bow.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– VINHOL
The elf is tossed a
bow and a quiver of arrows, which he slings over his shoulder, he is about to
toss the axe offscreen when we cut to…
GREG (VOICE OVER)
And an axe.
The elf stops in mid
toss and keeps the axe. Smiling at the
camera.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – LYNN
LYNN
Got it.
What about you Rollie?
ROLLIE
Well, my character’s a landed noble, and holy
knight. He carries a shield with his
family’s herald painted on it and carries a sword.
LYNN
Okay.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– KNIGHT
The knight stands in
all his glory, armor and a blue tunic with a lion’s head, and a shield that
matches the crest. He has short brown
hair and a trimmed brown beard and mustache.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – ROLLIE
ROLLIE
His name is Sir Arven, his family’s crest is
a lion’s head on blue, and he has short brown hair, and a trimmed beard.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
– SIR ARVEN
The knight lowers
his head and begins to trudge off screen, then stops, looks up, smiles and
returns to center stage, beaming.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – ROLLIE
ROLLIE
That’s about it I guess. So what about you?
LYNN
Me?
Oh, you mean my character?
ROLLIE
Yeah.
LYNN (looking at Dave)
Shall I?
DAVE (smiling)
Be my guest.
LYNN
Well, she’s a Priestess. Her name is –
GREG
Hold on.
What kind of priestess?
LYNN
Sorry?
BARRY
Is she an evil priestess?
LYNN
No!
Why would she be evil?
CHARLIE
She must be from the Temple of Lizards.
DAVE
That’s Temple of Liz-AR-Us.
CHARLIE
Whatever.
BARRY
I thought the Temple of Lizarus was
destroyed…
ROLLIE
Yeah, by the Black Mages of Doom-storm.
BARRY
She can’t be one of those then.
DAVE
I didn’t say they were all destroyed…
CHARLIE
Yeah you did.
DAVE
When?
GREG
Last week, after we killed that vampire. The mage came in from an alter-dimension and
said the Black Mages of Doom-Storm had destroyed the Temple of Lizarus.
DAVE
But I didn’t say they were all dead.
BARRY
You im-PLY-ed it.
DAVE
No, I just said the Temple was destroyed.
ROLLIE
Does it matter? Is she a priestess of Lizarus?
LYNN
Well…
GREG
Well, if not you’re evil.
LYNN
I’m not evil.
GREG
Well there you go.
LYNN
I didn’t mean to start a problem…
DAVE
It’s no problem, they just…
ROLLIE (sympathetic)
No, really, it’s no problem. We were just a little confused.
He stares into
Lynn’s eyes for just a few seconds too long, and she smiles.
ROLLIE (turning to the group)
Right guys?
Everyone is looking
at him and half-smiling.
ROLLIE
What?
DAVE (Looking back down at his books)
Nothing.
BARRY
No, nothing at all.
GREG
Can we get started please?
CHARLIE
Pizza.
LYNN
What?
ROLLIE
We can’t play until someone orders the pizza.
LYNN
You have to order pizza?
DAVE
It’s tradition.
LYNN
Oh. Well
I already ate.
DAVE
It’s okay.
We’ll just get a small.
BARRY
My ass.
I haven’t eaten since breakfast.
Two larges, extra meat, extra cheese, extra mushrooms.
DAVE (picking up phone)
What kind of meat?
BARRY (frowns)
Like it matters.
DAVE
Hello?
Yes, I’d like…oh, yeah, I’ll hold.
GREG
Fuckin’ pizza place.
BARRY
Make sure they bring cheese.
CHARLIE
Pizza always comes with cheese, dork.
BARRY
Naw, that sprinkly shit, you know, in the
packets?
ROLLIE
Parmesan.
BARRY (Snaps his fingers)
That shit.
CHARLIE
You know that shit’s cancerous to lab rats.
BARRY
Everything’s cancerous to lab rats.
GREG
He’s right.
In fact everything’s cancerous if you have too much of it. Sugar, caffeine, salt, pepper, garlic…
ROLLIE
It’s fucking cheese.
Rollie looks at Lynn
uncomfortably.
ROLLIE
I mean, you know, its just cheese.
LYNN
You don’t have to watch your language you
know, I’m a big girl.
DAVE (to the phone)
Yeah, I was on hold…shit.
GREG
Fuckin pizza place.
BARRY
Don’t forget my cheese man.
DAVE
I haven’t gotten to the pizza yet. Cheese is
an afterthought at this point.
ROLLIE (to Lynn)
So, what do you do normally?
LYNN
What do you mean? Where do I work?
ROLLIE
No, I mean its Friday night do you go out?
Dance?
LYNN
I just broke up with a guy, so I didn’t have anything to do tonight, and then
Dave invited me over to play, so…here I am.
ROLLIE
Oh.
So you’re single?
Rollie cringes at
what he just said, but Lynn gives him a nice smile.
DAVE (to the phone)
Yeah, I need…what? How can you be out of cheese?
CHARLIE
If they’re out of cheese how come they’re so
fucking busy?
DAVE (to the phone)
Yeah, okay.
Dave hangs up the
phone, and looks around the group stunned.
DAVE
How does a pizza place run out of cheese?
GREG
Fuckin Pizza Place.
BARRY
Me and Rollie went to that tex-mex place on
Riviera last week and they were out of tortillas.
ROLLIE
No doubt.
I asked the lady, don’t you make your own tortillas? She said, we ran out of the stuff to make
em. Unbelievable.
BARRY
Call that new place.
DAVE
What new place?
BARRY
Parker’s or Parson’s or Partridge, or
something…
CHARLIE
Oh, yeah, that sounds good. Partridge family pizza. Extra Bonaduce on mine.
LYNN and ROLLIE (unison)
Porters.
They share a smile.
BARRY
Porters!
That’s it.
Charlie reaches over
and grabs a phone book from a nearby counter.
GREG
I hear they have good breadsticks.
BARRY
Call em, man, call em!
DAVE
Anybody know the number?
CHARLIE
I’m on it. 555-4263.
Dave dials the
number.
GREG
Breadsticks.
BARRY
And cheese.
And meat. And my mushrooms.
DAVE
Hi, yeah, we wanted to order a pizza. (pause)
Large…
Barry holds up two
fingers.
DAVE
Make that two larges, with pepperoni,
sausage, mushrooms, extra cheese, extra mushrooms, breadsticks, and parmesan
cheese in the little packets if you’ve got it. (pause) Okay. Okay.
Yeah, it’s 204 Wildflower.
Yeah. 45 minutes? Okay.
Dave hangs up the
phone.
DAVE
It’s 25 bucks.
BARRY
Don’t look at me, I’m broke.
The group groans.
After a second they all reach for their wallets.
BARRY
What?
I don’t get paid til next week!
You know I’m good for it!
GREG (counting bills)
I know you’re good for eating our pizza.
CHARLIE (tosses a ten into the middle of the
table)
That’s it.
That’s all I got.
ROLLIE
I have seven.
GREG
I have 4 and some change.
DAVE
I got three.
ROLLIE
That’s 24.
GREG
And some change.
ROLLIE
And some change.
BARRY
No tip?
CHARLIE
Mother fucker…
BARRY
What? I’m just saying…
DAVE
Forget it, I’ll put it on my card.
LYNN
Sorry, I don’t think I have any cash.
DAVE
Don’t sweat it. The Visa’s good.
BARRY
All right, let’s get going.
DAVE
You guys ready to start?
ROLLIE
We didn’t get the rest of Lynn’s character.
LYNN
Oh, shoot, that’s right. Where was I?
CHARLIE
You were an evil priestess.
GREG
I thought she was from Lizarus.
BARRY
I thought Lizarus was destroyed.
ROLLIE
You know…
Everybody begins
speaking at once.
DAVE
I told you already…
CHARLIE
I was just kidding.
GREG
is she evil or what?
BARRY
She’s probably an assassin.
ROLLIE
QUIET!
The group goes
silent and everyone stares at Rollie.
ROLLIE
<beat> If you’d just let her finish, we
might find out.
LYNN
Um…okay.
Thanks Rollie. Anyway, her name
is Marian. She’s a priestess, but not of
Lizarus…
Everyone tenses
LYNN
But not evil either. She’s from Cordameer.
The group is puzzled
for a second, then everyone nods and goes Oh…
DAVE
See.
BARRY
See what, you were arguing about Lizarus with
us.
DAVE
Yeah, but she’s from Cordameer, they have
different Temples there.
GREG
That’s not the point.
ROLLIE
I don’t think she’s finished.
CHARLIE
Why do you do that Dave? You get us all riled up…
GREG
And then someone else explains it…
BARRY
And then you act like, see, I told you.
CHARLIE
When the fact of the matter is, you didn’t
tell us anything.
ROLLIE (Louder)
I don’t think she’s finished.
CHARLIE
Who?
ROLLIE
Lynn.
CHARLIE
Oh.
LYNN
Well, there’s not much else. She has red hair, and she has a staff with
runes carved at the top of it. She
wears a gray cloak and gray boots, and white pants and a shirt.
CHARLIE
She sounds…generic.
BARRY (To Charlie, but smiling)
Asshole.
GREG (To Charlie)
Dick.
CHARLIE
You know we put those two together we could
have-
ROLLIE
Okay!
No need to go there.
CHARLIE
What?
DAVE
He’s right. Keep it Charlie. Let’s get started.
BARRY (excited)
Kick ass!
GREG
We were in the tavern.
DAVE
Right, you were in the tavern…
CUT TO INT – Fantasy
Tavern
The room is dark
though sunlight can be seen outside.
The five characters, Elon, Grom, Sir Arven, Vinhol, and Marian, are
seated around a round table, each is drinking from a mug. A bartender wipes glasses at a bar behind
them. After a minute, Sir Arven speaks.
SIR ARVEN
This is Marian, she’s a priestess from
Cordameer. She is here to help us
destroy the beast.
GROM
And kill it we will.
VINHOL
Aye.
ELON (smiling seductively)
She’s a pretty one.
SIR ARVEN
And deadly.
The priestess is an excellent fighter, and she will be able to help us
with her magics in combat.
ELON
Her magic will pale next to mine…though it
would be nice to have some more female company along.
GROM
When do we leave?
SIR ARVEN
It is two days from here to the creature’s
lair. We have a map with the exact
location, but it is written in elvish.
ELON (looking at a piece of parchment)
I can’t make heads or tails of this
writing. Perhaps Greg can give us a
translation.
Elon slides the
parchment over to the elf. He stares
blankly ahead.
ELON
Greg. Greg!
GREG!!
CUT TO INT. – Dave’s
Dining Room – Barry
BARRY, CHARLIE, and ROLLIE (unison)
Greg!
GREG
I’m not responding until you use my proper
name.
CHARLIE
I’m not calling you Vin-hole de’Moron of the
minute waltz forest!
GREG
It’s Vinhol. Vin-all. Ass.
CHARLIE
I don’t care, I’m not saying it.
Dave sighs.
DAVE
How bout if he just calls you Vin?
Greg frowns, but
eventually nods his head.
GREG
Vin.
That will be fine.
BARRY
Right.
Vinny, Vin-chen-zo. The Vin man.
GREG
Just VIN!
BARRY
Jeez, okay.
CHARLIE
Okay, Vin.
Will you-
CUT TO INT – Fantasy
Tavern
ELON
Read the parchment for us?
VINHOL
Aye.
The elf takes the
parchment and looks it over. He picks
it up and looks at it in the light, turning it this way and that before finally
speaking.
VIN
It’s here.
Vin points to a spot
on the map. The rest of the group leans
in to look at it.
SIR ARVEN
Then we’ll have to go through the forest here
(pointing at map) or here.
GROM
Wolves the one way, trogs the second.
VIN
The trogs will be armed, and expecting
trouble.
ELON
But the wolves will be harder to work magic
against.
GROM
The trogs.
I’d prefer a stand up fight. (grins)
MARIAN
They may have useful information about the
beast as well.
The group stares at
her, apparently a bit surprised by her useful bit of logic.
SIR ARVEN
She’s right.
GROM
Good, it’s been some time since we’ve seen a
good skirmish.
SIR ARVEN
When we’ve reached it’s lair you’ll be in for
a fight you’ll never forget.
GROM
Aye, and I’ll tell it to me children, and
them to theirs, and so on, and my name will never be forgotten.
SIR ARVEN
‘Tis a noble goal.
ELON
And a foolish one, but I need that beasts
eyes to complete my research.
VIN
Then we’re agreed. It’s the trogs.
The group nods,
looking around at each other. Camera focuses in on the map, which is
beautifully detailed with cities mountains and rivers on an obviously old piece
of ruffled parchment.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room – MAP
On the table is a
map only vaguely similar to the one in the game world. It’s drawn in pencil on graph paper. The words are scrawled in a almost childlike
hand. There’s a soda can stain on it.
CHARLIE points to a
nearby city.
CHARLIE
We need to go to Burkshire.
GREG
That’s east, the trogs are to the west.
CHARLIE
I need materials to cast spells!
BARRY
Didn’t you buy those last week?
CHARLIE
Don’t you need a new axe?
BARRY
<beat> Yeah, we need to go to
Burkshire.
GREG (frustrated)
Aargh.
LYNN
What’s a trog?
ROLLIE
They’re evil humanoids, usually preying on
isolated human communities, raiding, pillaging, that sort of thing.
LYNN
Oh.
Well why don’t people just kill them?
BARRY
Lady, that’s what WE do!
LYNN
Oh.
GREG
How long will it take us to get to Burk?
DAVE
Day and a half.
BARRY and GREG (Unison)
Day and a half?!
DAVE
Yeah, all your horses were eaten by the wind dragon last week. Rememeber?
BARRY
Oh, shit, he’s right.
ROLLIE
Don’t they sell horses here?
DAVE
What in the little hamlet that doesn’t even have
an Inn?
GREG
Dammit, this village sucks!
BARRY
That’s not what you said last week when you
found out they had elven arrows.
GREG
That was last week. This week this village sucks.
CHARLIE
We’re heading off to Burkshire, right?
ROLLIE
We ride!
BARRY
Actually, we walk.
DAVE
Yeah, that would be more accurate.
CUT TO EXT – Game
world – Evening
The group is walking
along paths, with heroic music in the background, the sun sets as they walk
along the ridge of a hill, each character outlined in shadows as the sun fades
behind them.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room
DAVE
You’re going to have to make camp soon.
GREG
We’ll need to set up a watch. Remember the
zombies?
ROLLIE
Shit, that’s right. There’s an old graveyard around here somewhere. At night it isn’t safe.
BARRY
I’m sharpening my axe.
CHARLIE
Elon’s going to sleep. Someone wake me up when it’s my watch, okay?
ROLLIE
I’ll take first watch. I’m going to
make sure our new priestess is all right first.
DAVE
I’m sure she’s fine, Lynn?
LYNN (looking at Rollie, smiling)
I’m okay, but thanks for asking.
DAVE
O-kay…
GREG
I’ll take first watch with Sir Arven, then I’ll sleep.
BARRY
Dammit, I want last watch.
CHARLIE
That means I’m up in the middle.
DAVE
Don’t forget Lynn, um…Marian.
BARRY
Oh, right.
Do you want second watch or third?
LYNN
What’s the difference?
GREG
Second watch means you sleep for three hours
now, then watch for three hours, then slip for six more.
ROLLIE
Third watch you sleep for six hours now, then watch for three, then sleep for
three more.
LYNN
Do I really need that much sleep.
BARRY, GREG, and ROLLIE (Unison)
Oh yeah.
CHARLIE
If I don’t get nine hours a night I can’t
cast my spells properly.
DAVE
Actually you only need eight.
CHARLIE
That’s a technicality. I need nine.
DAVE (amused)
Whatever.
LYNN
Well, okay then, I’ll take second watch.
CHARLIE
That gives me third.
BARRY
Ah…and me last.
LYNN
Why are there two people on first watch?
GREG
Vinhol always takes watch with Sir Arven.
He’s training me to be a knight.
DAVE
Even though technically elves can’t be knights.
GREG
But you’re going to change that rule,
right? As soon as I have enough levels
to become a knight?
DAVE
We’ll see.
GREG
Well, fuck, then what am I wasting my time for?
DAVE
Calm down, just giving you shit.
GREG
Well, jeez, Dave, don’t do that.
DAVE
Sorry.
BARRY
So how long will this take?
DAVE
I have to roll for watches. (picks up dice) Ready? Here goes first watch.
DAVE drops the dice
on the table and they rattle around noisily.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
SIR ARVEN and VINHOL
are waking up MARIAN for her watch. She
sits up, immediately alert. In the
background GROM and ELON sleep peacefully.
As soon as MARIAN stands up she turns to look and notices that VINHOL
and SIR ARVEN are immediately asleep, and snoring quietly.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room
DAVE
First watch is quiet. Second, this will
be you Marian.
Again the dice hit
the table and we…
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
MARIAN wakes up
ELON, and they switch places. ELON is
now wide awake and MARIAN is asleep, as is everyone else.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room
DAVE
Nothing there.
BARRY
Whew.
I thought for sure we’d get attacked with the new person on guard. No offense to you Lynn, just seems like it
always happens that way.
LYNN
None taken.
DAVE
Elon, you ready?
CHARLIE
Roll, bitch, I don’t got all night.
The dice hit the
table with a clatter and roll to a stop.
Dave looks up at the group, a mischievous grin across his face. BARRY and GREG groan. ROLLIE sits up straighter in his chair and
grabs the dice next to him. LYNN seems confused.
CHARLIE
What is it?
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
- NIGHT
ELON is awake and
sitting in the middle of the camp alone, a small fire blazing in front of
her. All around her the rest of the
party sleeps. As she waits patiently
she begins to notice a sound coming from the bushes around her. She stands and moves her hands in a strange
fashion.
ELON
Whoever you are, my magic will find you.
ELON stops moving
her hands and a flash of light illuminates the bushes just in front of her,
where five zombies stand. They are
dressed like peasants, but their skin is a pale white, and they are covered
with the scars and markings of death.
When the light shows them the one in the front speaks.
ZOMBIE #1
We…need…flesh.
ELON
You won’t get it this night.
ELON kicks GROM with
her toe.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room
BARRY
Am I up?
DAVE
Hold on, I have to check. (Dice clatter)
No, she needs to try again.
BARRY looks at
CHARLIE pleadingly.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
ELON kicks GROM
hard, like she’s kicking a football.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room
DAVE
That did it.
BARRY (hands raised)
YES!
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
- NIGHT
GROM is now on his
feet, carrying his axe, and heading towards the zombies. ELON begins to wake SIR ARVEN. SIR ARVEN awakens on the first try and
without asking what’s going on or saying a word he picks up his sword and heads
for the zombies.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room
LYNN
Weren’t you asleep?
ROLLIE
Well, yeah.
LYNN
Well, then how would you know there even were
zombies?
ROLLIE
Huh?
LYNN
Well, as soon as Charlie woke you, you just grabbed your weapon and got up to
attack. You didn’t even ask what was
going on.
ROLLIE
I didn’t?
LYNN
No.
CHARLIE
She’s right.
Want me to tell you what’s happening?
ROLLIE (defensive)
I heard Dave describe it to you. Besides Grom didn’t ask what was going on.
DAVE
Grom’s always looking to fight.
Besides, it’s okay, we’ll just assume Elon told you what was happening.
LYNN
I didn’t mean to slow things down.
DAVE
No, it’s okay. We tend to get ahead of
ourselves a lot when we play.
ROLLIE
Sorry about that.
LYNN (To Rollie, very sensitively)
No, I’m sorry.
They share a moment,
then we cut to…
EXT FOREST – NIGHT
SIR ARVEN and GROM
are fighting two of the zombies and ELON is waking MARIAN. VINHOL snores quietly while the fight goes
on. As soon as MARIAN is awake she sits
up and stares blindly around. ELON
begins casting another spell, moving her arms in a strange (but not
exaggerated) manner.
Cut to INT. – Dave’s
Dining Room
GREG
Dammit, is somebody going to wake me up?
CHARLIE
Oh, I forgot you were here.
LYNN
Can I tell what’s going on?
DAVE
You can attack the zombies if you want?
LYNN
Should I?
BARRY and CHARLIE (unison)
YES!
DAVE
You don’t have to, you could wake up Vinny.
GREG
VIN!
DAVE
Vin.
Cut to EXT – FOREST
MARIAN leans over
and pushes on VIN until he awakens.
When he does he finds that two of the zombies are already dead and ARVEN
and GROM are working on two more. An
arcane blast of bright light flies forth from ELON’s fingertips and the third
still standing zombie disappears in a puff of smoke.
VIN stands and picks
up his axe, heading for the zombie that is attacking GROM, but as he gets the
axe over his head to swing GROM finishes it off. Smiling GROM turns to look at VIN. VIN looks flustered and heads over towards ARVEN, but as he
arrives, ARVEN delivers the final blow, and all the zombies are destroyed.
Cut To INT – Dave’s
Dining Room.
GREG
DAMMIT!
I didn’t get to attack.
ROLLIE
It’s okay, we took care of them.
CHARLIE
Yeah, elf, get your beauty rest.
GREG
I wanted to fight!
LYNN (looking at her papers)
Is anyone hurt? I think I can cast a healing spell.
ROLLIE
We should get you a character sheet.
LYNN
A what?
ROLLIE
Here, I’ll do it.
ROLLIE takes the papers
from in front of Lynn, digs through his notebook until he finds a prepared
sheet and starts copying the information over.
DAVE and BARRY look at each other and smile, shaking their heads. GREG seems oblivious to this.
GREG
That’s a good idea, it’ll make it easier for
her to read through her abilities.
ROLLIE
I know.
CHARLIE (to Dave)
Do the zombies have anything on them?
DAVE
Peasant clothes.
CHARLIE
No, I mean anything good.
DAVE
Well they’re good peasant clothes.
CUT TO EXT – FOREST
MARIAN is sitting
quietly by the fire, she looks dazed.
VIN, ARVEN, and GROM have all gone back to lying down. ELON is going through the pockets of each of
the zombies. After going through three
of them she grunts in exasperation.
ELON
Nothing!
They’re not carrying anything.
MARIAN
Huh?
ELON
They don’t have weapons, gold, jewels, gems,
magical treasure…nothing.
MARIAN
Should they?
ELON
Probably not, but it would have been helpful.
MARIAN
Oh.
CUT TO INT – Dave’s
Dining Room
CHARLIE
I mean they could have at least had bronze
coins or something worthless, but they didn’t have anything. Anything at all.
LYNN
Well, they are dead.
DAVE
Exactly. Fresh out of the grave, did
you think they stopped at an ATM on their way over to attack you?
CHARLIE
Could have had pennies taped over their eyes.
BARRY
I don’t think they do that anymore.
GREG
Did they ever?
BARRY
I’ve heard stories, you know, keep the eyes
closed.
GREG
Is that a big problem? Dead people seeing shit?
ROLLIE (still copying)
The insides of the hideous coffins their
relatives splurged on.
BARRY
I don’t know. I just heard it somewhere.
Or read it.
CHARLIE (to Barry)
You can read?
BARRY
Bitch.
ROLLIE (looking at Lynn’s notes)
Did you know you have a jar of elemental
fire?
LYNN
Yeah, but I don’t know what it does.
BARRY
Holy SHIT!
GREG
That’s a bad ass item. You throw it on whatever you’re fighting and
they burst into flames.
CHARLIE
Cool.
Where’d you get it?
LYNN
I don’t know. Dave gave it to me.
DAVE
Came up as part of her random starting equipment. You guys heading to Burkshire or not?
CHARLIE
I don’t know, did the sun come up?
DAVE (rolls some dice)
Yep.
Nothing else attacked all night.
BARRY
Wasn’t much night left anyway.
DAVE
True.
But it was an uneventful few minutes of rest.
ROLLIE
We move then.
BARRY (voice over as we cut)
Better than we ride.
CUT TO EXT - FOREST