SunSword's Edge

The first thing that happened? I worked my way up the corporate ladder to a point where my position was important enough that everything I said was under intense scrutiny, but I wasn't high enough on that ladder to be able to say what I wanted and survive.

Now, there are some people at the producer-level and up in the industry who really say what they think in their blogs, but I've found that the most active/interesting posts are by people who aren't directly responsible for the kinds of things they comment on.

Most of the really interesting blogs out there are by people who are independent of censorship, either because they're at the very top of their organizations, or because they aren't directly responsible (or aren't generally perceived to be) for the kinds of things they comment on.

And of course, some of the most popular and respected bloggers in the online game industry don't even deal in reality. Most of it is academic bullshit and spin. Which is understandable, because again, if people dealt in reality, they'd probably get censored by their organizations. Unfortunately, it means that most of the audience for this kind of material is having a very confused discussion fueled by misinformation, hype and guesswork.

The second cause of my silence is purely my availability. In the last 5 years I've had three kids, moved from Texas to California and from California to England. Life has been crazy, and I'm a family kinda guy, so I tend to prioritize family happiness over career and personal computing time. Those of you that have had kids know about the post-birth parental coma that lasts about 9 months. Those of you who haven't had kids have no idea what I'm talking about, really. I can't explain it, but I've been in it for about 4.5 years.

It is only in the last 48 hours that I've realized what a price I've paid for the hectic but amazing life I've been living. For the past 6 months, I've averaged about 5.5 hours of sleep a night. Since the holiday break, I've gotten 8-12 hours of sleep every night. I had no idea the toll lack of sleep and stress have been having on me. When I woke up on boxing day (the day after Christmas for my fellow Americans), I felt refreshed in a way that I honestly cannot recall.

It felt like waking from a dream that had lasted 6 months. All my ambition and energy returned in a rush. I realized that despite myriad crazy/cool things I've done in the last few years, I've been treading water professionally and creatively.

What the hell? It's about to be 2007? People are still rehashing the same ol' MMORPG format? Shit is about to change y'all.

So what does that mean in reference to this post? Well, sunsword.com is going to change quite a bit. I'm going to separate the personal from the professional. I'm also going to take a new tact with the professional, to be revealed in January. I'm also considering bringing the forums back, let me know what you think about that. I found forums to be a more satisfying, interactive experience than blogs and comments.

On a personal note, I'm also going to start prioritize sleep. And on that note, see you in the AM.